The other day I had a conversation with a woman at the store she worked at in Denver. Somehow (!) the topic moved on to dogs (Go figure! Not that I am dog obsessed or anything.) She started telling me about her dog, a sweet young girl who was going in for knee surgery the next morning. She was wondering aloud how on earth she was going to get her 3 year old Lab mix to be “calm and quiet” for the next couple of months, as the vet advised her. In order for the dog to heal, she could not even go on walks for a while, let alone run and play ball, or wrestle with her doggie best friend that lives across the street. I sympathized with her, secretly exhaling a sigh of relief that I didn’t have that monumental task ahead of me!

We chatted for a few more minutes, I gave her a few suggestions. It was an odd conversation, in that she rarely responded to what I was saying. I wondered if she even heard me. She kept going on about how stressed out she was about it and how she doesn’t know what to do. I caught myself becoming exasperated, and decided to just listen. She was clearly upset about her dog and was simply “not present” with me. I felt kind of invisible, but knew it wasn’t personal, it was just where she was at.

The one sided conversation made me think about how we often interact with our dogs. The reality is, dogs are constantly trying to communicate with us. They speak with body language, a language we can understand if only we pay attention. A slight turn of the head, licking the lips, yawning, looking away, and walking slowly are examples of some of the signals dogs use to communicate with each other, and with us. When I think about how exasperating it was for me to try to talk to that woman and not be heard, I imagine that is only the tip of the iceberg of what dogs probably feel on a daily basis.

I focus a lot on human-dog communication when I work with people and their dogs. As with any relationship, clear, 2-way communication is critical. One of the things I love most about what I do is witnessing the moments when people suddenly start to see – really see – their dogs. When they are able to put aside their predispositions, assumptions, and attempts at explaining and justifying their dogs’ behavior, and just be present with their dog. Then another wonderful thing starts to happen—the dogs start looking at their humans differently. Maybe this is just me (clearly I am making my own unabashed anthropomorphic projection here!), but I always imagine dogs looking back at the people that suddenly start responding appropriately to their body language and thinking, “Wait…You can see me??? Finally!”

No matter how wonderful your relationship with your dog has been to this point, having these conversations through body language will bring you to a whole new level of closeness, and of appreciation for each other. Beyond that, you will be able to see many problems before they occur, because you will see the early signs, when your dog is saying, “Ahem, I could use a little help here!” If you step in at this early stage, problems (lunging, biting, etc.) can generally be avoided.

One of my favorite sites for learning how to interpret dog body language is also a dog bite prevention site, geared mostly to kids but worthwhile for adults too. Check out: www.doggonesafe.com. As you navigate around the site, there are photos, videos, even quizzes and games to help you learn to “speak dog.”

Mindfulness takes practice. It is often difficult to remember to be mindful, and it is not easy to stay mindful, especially when we are overwhelmed and busy. We spend so much time thinking about what happened earlier, or what may happen in the future. Most of us make to do lists in our heads, or replay conversations over and over. When we are mindful, we focus on what is right in front of us.

For example, when I take my dog for a walk, often my body is there but my mind is running around from thought to thought. I think about how much time I have before we have to head home. I check my phone for the time. When I do, I see that someone texted me, so I stop and read the text. Sometimes I will reply to it right there! (Embarrassing for the founder of Mindful Dog Training to admit, but there you go. I mess up with my dog sometimes.) Then I realize I forgot to notice the time, so I look again. At these times, I am not really “with” my dog.

In contrast, when I focus on being mindful, I may notice the color of the leaves on the trees, the sound of my dog’s collar when the tags jingle, the smell of a truck that just went by (not everything has to be pleasant!) Without much effort, we walk in harmony. We are in sync, both responding to the other’s movements. I walk faster, he walks faster. He slows to sniff something, I slow down too. I notice a flexibility in my body and mind during these moments, that I am able to move with him without either letting him yank me around, or me yanking him around. He responds easily to my body language without me having to give “commands”, as he is “with me.” On my “un-mindful” walks, that flexibility is simply not there. He slows down, I get frustrated. He pulls to the side to investigate a smell, I get frustrated. I would guess that he gets frustrated with me too at these times.

Does this mean that just being in a mindful state will always result in lovely, peaceful walks with your dog? Heck no, especially if you have not yet fully taught your dog to walk calmly on leash. (And even dogs who generally do great on walks have bad days–don’t we all??) However, you will be more likely to notice the interplay of reasons for your dog’s pulling, lunging, etc. and not be as reactive – then you can make some changes for future walks. Or if you do react, you would be more likely to catch yourself before you take it out on your dog, scolding him, jerking on his collar, and blaming him for how “untrained” he is, and how unpleasant your walk is.

You might think, “Yes, but don’t I have to DO something if I want my dog to walk nicely, and not bark and lunge at any one?” Yes, of course there is work to do, maybe a lot. All I am saying is there is value in being present with your dog. For the sake of the relationship with your dog, the effectiveness of your attempts to train him, and, as an added bonus, it often relaxes you—we can all use some of that!

So try it-next time you are on a walk with your dog, especially if you get frustrated with something she does, stop, BREATHE, and notice what is happening around you and within your mind and body. At this time, you don’t have to DO anything. Just be there with your dog.