People often wonder “If only dogs could talk.” I’m pretty sure dogs think the canine equivalent of “If only humans would listen!”
The other day I had a conversation with a woman at the store she worked at in Denver. She started telling me about her dog, a sweet young girl who was going in for surgery the next morning. She was wondering aloud how on earth she was going to get her 3 year old Lab mix to be “calm and quiet” for the next couple of months, as the vet advised her. In order for the dog to heal, she could not even go on walks for a while, let alone run and play ball, or wrestle with her doggie best friend that lives across the street. I sympathized with her, secretly exhaling a sigh of relief that I didn’t have that monumental task ahead of me!
We chatted for a few more minutes, and she kept going on about how stressed out she was about it and how she didn’t know what to do. I gave her a few suggestions, but noticed that she rarely responded to what I was saying. I wondered if she even heard me as she repeated that she didn’t know what to do. I caught myself becoming frustrated, until it hit me that it was time to practice simply listening. She was clearly upset about what she and her dog were facing and was unable to be present with me. I felt kind of invisible, but it wasn’t personal, it was just where she was at.
The one sided conversation made me think about how we often interact with our dogs. The reality is, dogs are constantly trying to communicate with us. They speak with their behavior and with their body language, a language we can understand if only we pay attention. A slight turn of the head, licking the lips, yawning, looking away, and walking slowly are examples of some of the signals dogs use to communicate with each other, and with us. When I think about how exasperating it was for me to try to talk to that woman and not be heard, I imagine that is only the tip of the iceberg of what dogs probably feel on a daily basis.
Human-dog communication is a primary focus when I work with people and their dogs. As with any relationship, clear, 2-way communication is critical. In general, most conversations we humans have with dogs are more monologues than dialogues – lots of talking, minimal listening/observing. One of the things I love most about what I do is witnessing the moments when people suddenly start to see – really see – their dogs. When they are able to put aside their predispositions, assumptions, and attempts at explaining and justifying their dogs’ behavior, and are able to take in the dynamic, magical being in front of them. Then another wonderful thing starts to happen—the dogs start looking at their humans differently. It’s like the dogs looking back at their people who suddenly start responding appropriately to their body language and thinking, “Wait…You can see me??? Yay!”
No matter how wonderful your relationship with your dog has been to this point, learning more about and paying more attention to these conversations through body language will bring you to a whole new level of closeness, and of appreciation for each other. Beyond that, you will be more likely to see many problems before they occur, because you will see the early signs, when your dog is saying, “Ahem, I could use a little help here!” If you step in at this early stage, so many common problems (lunging, biting, etc.) can often be avoided.
Here are a couple of short videos I ask all of my clients to watch, preferably multiple times.
What Your Dog is Desperately Trying to Tell You – thefamilydog.com
Does Your Dog REALLY Want to be Petted? – eileenanddogseileenanddogs